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Why Does Your Manager Talk Down to You?
First, you need to understand what issue your manager has with you. If you lack training and struggling in areas where other employees are not, you may want to ask your manager or other coworkers for advice on how you can improve your performance. Your manager may not be intentionally condescending, but their management style might not work for you.
Harassment and Discrimination Laws
Condescending behavior is not illegal in and of itself. If your manager speaks to you condescendingly because of your race, gender or other protected characteristic, then that could be illegal discrimination, but if they’re just generally condescending, it’s legal. If you’re in a protected group, see if other coworkers with protected characteristics have had the same experience with your manager.
Meet With Your Manager
If you have regular one-on-one meetings with your manager, you’ll want to ask them for actions you can take to improve at work. You can work together to make goals that will help you improve at work and hopefully improve your relationship with your boss.
What to Ask Your Manager
Focus on getting clear and actionable advice from your manager. Try one of the following statements and questions to start:
Can I have 15 minutes of your time on Friday afternoons to go over and prioritize my tasks for the next week?I’m having trouble figuring out the most important task to focus my time on. Can you give me some insight into your goals for the department?Sometimes I get too focused on details and miss the big picture. Can you recommend a training class that will help me learn to see the overall priorities?
Notice that what you’re not doing is saying, “You never showed me how to do that.” Even if it’s true, managers don’t respond well to “you” statements like that—and they’ll feel like you’re attacking them. This won’t improve your situation and may make it worse.
Follow Up With Your Manager
If you can show your manager that you’ve addressed the issue they have with you, you may be able to improve your relationship. For example, if your manager feels that you’re not prioritizing your work properly, you could regularly check in with them to ensure you’re focused on the most important task. If you can get your manager to help you prioritize your work according to what they want which may or may not be logical, then they might act in a less condescending way.
Stay Calm and Respectful
If you make a mistake and your manager begins to talk down to you, calmly apologize for your error. If they continue to belittle you, remind your manager that you have apologized for your error, and ask to continue with your work. If they will not stop, you may need to stand up and leave the conversation.
